catholic family and catholic school.  catholic guilt dealt by hippie fools.  all the social standards, proper poise; all those things i must live up to.  how do i live in multiple worlds and fulfill my place in them?  how to my expectors expect me to function in a world of slumber when i am expected to, and carry within me to, have the spirit of awakening.  i am not like the others.  that should have been nurtured.